Thursday, June 08, 2006

`The barricades are down...

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Just placed Sonnet 18 because it is very inspiring. It talks about the persona's special someone's description. The beauty of love. The glimmering sight of that very person who swept a certain person's HEART in an instant. Pero at times love is not that easy, smooth, and happy. There are also times when love seems to be cruel and painful.

Love is such an irony. It makes you happy but kills you too. According to a movie dialogue (You Got Served): "what doesn't kills makes you stronger." Is this really true? Sometimes we think that love brings us rapture. Hell yeah! We always get fucked up because of that crazy thing called LOVE. We even lose our sanity. A living proof is Marie. She is too in love with Kiko. I feel bad for her because I've felt that before. I felt ashamed, trashed, and ragged.

I pitty her but at the same time I am all greedy to let Kiko fall for her too. Sama noh?! Hekhek. I don't know why I am like this. I feel as if I am into Kiko. I am drown into his comforts. I am used to his attention. I like it when he doesn't admit that he cares for me when truth is he does without IFs and BUTs. He did his best to gain weight because I said so. He would never admit it to me that he does things for me. He may sometimes say sweet and thoughtful remarks to me. Compliment me at his best days and jest whenever I am on the verge of breakingdown. He is a swell friend. He never leaves me hanging. He cares a lot and that's what I love about him.

He makes me feel secured and loved. He is indeed my WATER (sorry Marie for using your metaphor). Now tell me where would I compare someone like Kiko? He is sweet yet I am not putting my 100% trust. He is a playboy, for all I know I am just his toy.

I am such a "slut" (not literal parang greedy lang) to be PLAYING IN THE SAFEST GROUND OF MY LOVE LIFE. I just can't help it. I can't tell bf that I am falling for another guy, though by telling that everything would be a lot easier. Easier? Yep you heard me right!

Things would fall into their places the moment I confess everythign to bf. At first he would be mad. then He'll be in rage and would end up breaking away from our relationship. As easy as it gets, ei? But the question is would i be happy with that? I would never know right now since that was just a make-believe scenario.

...He called...

Yep he did! I was excited. We talked about Marie and how he would deal with the girl's so-called FRUSTRATIONS. I just said to him to keep things real! That would not be the easiest but that IS the most effective and sensitive thing to do. *sighs*

He feels guilty I know it but I can't help telling him to please Marie (not in the passionate way, of course). I guess he was confused with the things I've said. I don't even know why I said those things. I don't know and I am in no position to find out. *grins*

Am I giving him the wrong signals. I am sure that he got depressed. Stupid mouth! Worse, I even bragged my first love's courtship. I am foolish, I know that! I just don't get me anymore.

I am messy and I am very buffled. HAAYYZZ...

...Chumps and champs...

Before creating this entry I get to talk to Jelly, my niece who is older than me, and we shared a lot of secrets. I even get to have a quality time with Kenneth and Jelly. They are smart people and cool to be with.

Tonight Kenneth will be sleeping over our house. Hekhek. I'm used to him sleeping over the house since: first, he is GAY; second, our families are close friends.

Now problem is, how would I ever talk to Kiko when Kenneth is around. he'll be sleeping in our room. Whhhaaaatttt tthhiisss ccaann'tttt bbeee hhaappeennnniinnggg.... *60 seconds before waking up into reality*

Anyways I am also talking with my other friend, via YM MESSENGER, Carl. Carl is emo like WATER. ME and Carl spoke of our favorite punk-rock bands. We both love MCR, DC, The Used, FOB, Thursday... We share a lot in common... When it comes to music. He was even surprised that I was into rock. Hekhek, actually before I am not. But after listening to some emo songs I kindda related my experiences.

I felt understood. Grabe pala talaga ang powers ng music! Huwaw!!!

Oh well... Better eat dinner now... Ciao... *stomach rumbles* hekhek

MOOD: happy (not quite) and hungry (is that a mood?)...