Friday, August 25, 2006

Vindicated (not quite, justify my actions please)

Once there was a time when we could learn
all the simple pleasantries a follower should yearn
and all that I can do is watch them burn
and wish that I could save them all
or just one
See The Fake, everyday shaking hands with men, promising the end
Hear Him Speak of all the things that we need to hear, to adhere
Justify, your secrecies that surmise your cries
I see the way you look around the bend
is it going to end, when?
The visions that I've seen have left me torn
between the resurrection and the prophecy unborn
I think that I will document the fall
and say I hate to say it
but I told you all..
See the Fake, everyday shaking hands of men, promising the end
Hear Him Speak of all the things that we need to hear, to adhere.
Justify, your secrecies that surmise your cries,
I see the way you look around the bend
is it going to end, when?
Justify, your secrecies that surmise your cries,
I see the way you look around the bend
is it going to end, to end?
Your side, choose wise
your side, choose wise
your side choose while you can.
Justify, your secrecies that surmise your cries
I see the way you look around the bend
is it going to end, when?
Justify, your secrecies that surmise your cries
I see the way you look around the bend
is it going to end, to end, end?
When you change your mind is it going to end?

Just arrived from school and boy I feel as if I am all restless. The exam in LITERATURE is finally over. It was such a relief. I got a good score but honestly I am not in any point satisfied. I could have done better, or Maam should have checked the paper BETTER! To think that the examination is already ope notes, dear I fear not blurting this out. I AM DISAPPOINTED but I AM THANKFUL NA RIN...

Not that I don't think that I would get a decent score if the test is the objective one, but that I am SOMEHOW thankful that I was not burdened evenmore.

Most of my classmates got good grades, many indeed got 90+, but some unfortunately failed. I think that such judgment (checking) must HAVE RECONSIDERATION. Grabe! I cannot believe that someone would fail the exam. Not that I am insinuating that the test was a no-brainer, but you know what the prelim exam is SUBJECTIVE. Well, it should have been MORE EASIER, I guess?!

Trouble, trouble, trouble. I am in no condition of STUDYING. I cannot understand myself lately. I don't know why I have become this IRRESPONSIBLE GIRL, that actually I'm not. GOODNESS! I suddenly became less concerned of my study habits, sadly I am reaping the consequences of my actions. I am not satisfied with my scores. Grabe I am troubled, I am doomed! I fear that I may never achieve what I used to accomplish. I need some divine providence.

Hindi naman ako ganito eh! You know why I've become this complacent, or rather this IRRESPONSIBLE? I don't know either, but what I do know is that I am dying with all thsi burden that I am now carrying because of my actions. How could I dare to forget someone who has been part of my life?! I am missing dadi and I bet he will never know that, especially now that WE HAVE SAID THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T BE SAID.

*++++++*
DADI: bakit nde ka na nagol?
me: hmmmm...
DADI: bkit? may problem kb?
DADI: *BUZZ*
DADI: uy bc k n nmn ba?
me: nde ah... may tiningnan lang ako...
DADI: so.. kamusta kna...
me: ok lng.. eh ikaw? :D
DADI: medyo ok na ako.
me: ???
DADI: i'm a lot better now....
(after few more minutes)
me: musta kna? [idiot 'di ba, kanina ko pa sya tinatanong kung kamusta na sya at knina pa nya sinasagot... DUH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU QUEENNIE P. SANTOS]
DADI: ok lng... kaw? kau ng bf mu?
me: 2lad p din ng dati
DADI: OIC...
DADI: awwwww
(after 30 minutes or so...)
DADI: *BUZZ*
DADI: uy bkit d kna nagol
me: bc lang sa schoolworks... tatlo tatlo nag thesis namin eh... kakapagod
DADI: ganun?
DADI: baka may iniiwasan ka...
(after an hour)
DADI: nde ka na sumagot...
me: aww sori ah...
(after 10 mins.)
DADI: alam mo nagbago ka na...

Isn't that just the saddest words you'll hear from someone who you have come to loved? Know what I should be over him, because he did his best to make me happy, by leaving me. But truth is I AM MISERABLE right now. I am LOST and I am dying missing the guy.

I cannot justify my actions. I know that I have done him wrong and I pushed him to hard away from me, that now he really is that far.
*++++++*

See the Fake in me? I am feeling sad right now and I need some chocolates...