Thursday, August 24, 2006

What worries me most is...

I am feeling tired and hopeless. With tons of schoolworks in my agenda planner I am now all messed-up as to what should come first. Not that I am not used to school works, but what I am complaining right now is that I can't get my acts together. It's as if my entire system is not working harmoniously. At times I think of some things without even knowing why I bother thinking of them--sounds weird?! Yes, well I know it is indeed hard to understand.

If I am to rearrange myself I must start from scratch. There are things which I must change for the better. Though I am not at all open in any ideas of changing myself. I mean who would? The hardest things one may find is criticizing his/herself. The inner "voice" is not at all times noticed. I, for myself, often ignore "her." Buti na lang and she doesn't get tired reminding me.

I am feeling fucked-up honestly, I SIMPLY HATE MS. B. Isn't she just the BITCHEST of all bitches??? If I were to impose some punishment or if I have this power to make her life miserable, well I would take that opportunity and savor every minute. Inside me is the meanest person I've ever known. I could and I would kill for something I really like, consequently, I would also destroy someone if he/she would totally piss me off.

*++++++*
I am not the "SOBRANG MABAIT" person some of you may think. I guess if you would just have enough time to know me and the things I hide, you would probably be surprised.

I consider myself the biggest player in the GAME of my life. I am draped with enigma but I guess none of you has thought of that. I may be easy to talk to and I may always agree upon what you would say, but I am not all that nice.

I curse people, but only those who have done me wrong. I erase people existing in my reality once they have triggered and disrupted my temper and patience. I AM JUST SIMPLY NOT THE FORGIVING SOUL...
AND TO MAKE THINGS CLEAR, I WOULDN'T AND I COULDN'T FORGIVE MISS B.
*++++++*

Enough of hatreds and bitching, aaarrrrgghhhh... I am in deep trouble. Grabe! A while ago I went to the recognition event for DLs for the 2nd semester of last school year. The line was too long and our cue was tiring, as well. I get to have some words with Hershey. She is nice to talk to. She smiles a lot and shares her experiences in their class. During our conversations we somehow talked of Sir E. hihihi... *Guys just to clear things out I am not interested in Sir E.* I am just wondering to death why he got that thin! Anu kaya nga ba? IS he sick? IS he using drugs? *harhar* IS he depressed? or perhaps he just went on strict diet to lose wait.

After the recognition we (Mama, Papa, Karen, Tita, and K's bf) ate at CHOWKING. Kaya eto I am stuffed! Grabe ang dami ko talagang kinain. Anyways during our meal Karen blurted out something: SHE IS NOT SATISFIED WITH HER SCORE IN THE FILIPINO PRELIM EXAM. But honestly she acquired A HIGH SCORE, AVERAGE. Me, I don't even know if I would pass the exam. GOD HELP ME PLEASE. After hearing her "lamentations" something suddenly stroke me: IF THIS GIRL SITTING NEXT TO ME IS WORRIED ABOUT HER SCORE (na ok naman), HOW ABOUT ME?!
I HONESTLY FEEL AS IF I WOULDN'E PASS. Bakit ganun I suddenly feel so STUPID!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed. KINAKABAHAN TALAGA AKO SERIOUSLY...

This school year I can't assess myself. I feel as if that I wouldn't even get decent grades... arrrggghhhhhh.... damn it! damn schooling! damn me!